How Do You Get Over a Boy

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Amy RosenthalWritten by: Amy Rosenthal

what men secretly want bookMost people after a break up still cling on to the fantasy of their loved on. Yes, I call it a fantasy because if it were a reality it would have lasted, correct? The heart spent so much time loving  the other person but now that it’s over it doesn’t know what to do. So it continues with the momentum and force of love that has been propelling it. Wondering how do you get over a boy? Closure is needed on this chapter in your life, but are you clinging? If the relationship were something serious like a marriage or a long term relationship spend more time mulling things through. But if it was a crush or something less serious, start pushing yourself towards healing. Was it really serious? Was he right for you anyways? Did he have flaws? Would you have to change a lot of things in order for it to work? If you had a lot of negative to say to those questions, it’s probably time to move on anyways.


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Get the closure you need

On the topic of how do you get over a boy, getting the answers you need is important for your healing. Take the time to write down the questions you need answered. Why did it end? Was it my fault? Was it him? Perhaps the only way to find the truth is to ask the man himself. This step will take some courage, but it’s important for your healing. Without knowing why, you’ll be fighting questions that may not even be true. Your healing process will take longer as well. If you’re not comfortable talking face to face; then perhaps through a letter, or text or even email. Asking him the questions you need isn’t a sign of weakness. Remember he owes you the answers you deserve, and he's probably hurting just as well. You don’t have to make it about him, make it about the relationship. “I was just wondering why this relationship didn’t work”. Like the end of a chapter you won’t be able to move on until this chapter closes.


Beginning with the attitude

Healing begins with the attitude, and attitude is important in how do you get over a boy.  It’s much like running a long distance marathon. When you’re tired you think to yourself that you can’t go on. However marathon runners are trained to ignore these thoughts.   The truth of the matter is that the human body can endure much more than we give it credit for. Only through accessing the proper attitude, do we ever see the desired outcome.   I’m not saying that your feelings weren’t real, or that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. I am saying that you will get over him. How long it takes will depend on your attitude of how badly you want to let go, and stop hurting. Your girlfriends can comfort you, but ultimately your healing will be driven from something inside of you. If you’re clinging on to him you need to let go. When you think  about him it’s okay to hurt, as long as there a voice inside that says, “I want to get over him”. If there’s no voice it’s a good sign that you’re clinging on. Building up this voice, this attitude, can be done by verbally affirming them by speaking out those thoughts. You can take any action you want to try and get over him, but if there’s no attitude it won’t mean much. 


Stay on good terms

Going to bad term with your ex will only increase feelings of rejection and bring up greater bitterness. By nature bitterness and unforgiveness lock our minds onto a single focus. They become the focal point. They have a way of 'never letting go'. Negative thoughts are harder to forget and easier to come back to our minds than positive ones. Counter intuitively forgiving creates space in our hearts, it causes us to forget and not think about as much. This makes forgiving key in how do you get over a boy.  Getting your mind off of him is what you’re trying to do, not hang onto him. Only after you mind has been off of him for a season will you get over him. 

Fights also have a way in replaying in our minds. Ever been in a fight with someone and thought about it for days after? People have a need for peace. We instinctively look for it. It’s in our nature to be drawn to places like cabins, beaches, and stress free environments. Being on bad terms with your ex is just going to create more stress than needed.

Assume that you’re not on good terms with him, and then see him later on in life. The first reaction is going to be feelings of rejection, and past memories are going to spring up in mind. You’ll wonder what he’s up to, or if he with someone, or how his career is doing and you’ll always be wondering because it would be too awkward to ask him. People tend to imagine the worst. You’ll probably think he goes skiing in aspen every day with his supermodel girlfriend. Even though this isn’t likely, people subconsciously treat what they don’t know like it’s the worst possible scenario.

But let’s say you stay on good terms. There’s less rejection in this situation because they still care for you as a friend. There are no negative feelings locked in your heart and mind towards him. Also when you’re over him and wondering about his life, you can just ask him. You’ll find out that he lives a normal life just like every other guy you’ve dated. Then you’ll realize you don’t have those same feelings for him as you used to.


Distancing yourself

You’ve probably hear this step before, but are you doing it?  On the matter of how do you get over a boy, don’t keep trinkets around you that remind you of him (unless they’re valuable, then give them to a friend to hang on to until your over him). Get rid of them. When in love the brain releases endorphins that are responsible for the way you feel towards him. Trinkets and places can jog your memory, re-triggering these endorphins which bring up those feelings again. The good news is the human brain can only produce so many of these endorphins, at one point it won’t be able to anymore. Avoid going to restaurants and places that remind you of him, until later.


Accept affirmation

You are most likely dealing with two issues without even knowing it. The first being you miss him. The second being rejection. Feelings of rejection can be soothed through affirmation. There are great things about yourself that you need to remember. After all, he did fall for you didn’t he? In this hard time you need to remember those qualities you’ve forgotten that you loved about yourself. Make a list and keep it by your pillow. Ask your friends what they love most about you. With daily encouraging reminders you’ll soon realize, it was his loss.


Embracing the truth

In this emotional time you’ve probably got a lot of thoughts running around in your head. Thoughts like; you’ll never find another like him, or he was the only one for you. As much as you may not want to hear it, there are other fish in the sea. Super cliché, but very true. What we believe can depend on our mood, and attitude. In this emotional downer it’s hard to see things objectively and harder to see positively. Obsessing over these false ideas only keeps us in a spiral of hurt and should be avoided as best as possible. Knowing the truth, that there are others out there for you can help. You will meet and feel love again. Ask your girlfriends, get affirmation that it will happen again. 


Spending time on yourself

Go for a spa treatment, a bike ride, do something you love, treat yourself. Spending time on yourself is not only a good distraction but will make you feel better. Doing things and getting physical activity is scientifically proven to release endorphins to the brain and change your mood. Mostly, it’ll substitute the normal time frame of “daily kicking yourself”.


Understanding the waves

It’s normal to fall again when you see him. It’s normal to have memories that make you feel again. They come and settle like the waves. It doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress, or that you’ll never get over him. It is part of the way we deal with the healing process. We heal and realize we’re over the hurt, and then the pain comes back again for a time to test us. We heal from that wave only to come out stronger and more confident, this is part of the process. Just remember that waves come and go, but the tide does go down. 


Looking at others

Chances are if you look around you’ll see other people you find attractive. How you get over a boy is by shifting your focus onto others. Looking at other guys is a great way of taking your focus off of, what’s his name again… He didn’t have abs like that guy.



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